The Immaculate connection

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. And the Broadband in the caravan next to the King Edward Inn was down.  Ben, the chosen one (not that Julian Assange fellow, Ben knew all about that stuff well before Wikileaks did), had been relegated to the overflow caravan as there was no room at the inn. He was understandably miffed; as he had been promised Virgin Internet. Ben considered that to be failed by a Virgin during Advent was quite the irony and not very festive at all. 

It had been months since God's last internet intervention and Ben's faith was in question, especially after this crisis of connection that was occurring. So Ben made one last call to prayer line; Virgin engineers don't work on Christmas apparently.  

"Press 1 for Christmas related problems, 2 for Hanukkah related drama, 3 for issues of Islam and 4 for other"

Ben pressed one.

"Hello and welcome to Christmas prayer line, we're sorry but we are currently closed for the festive period. If your call concerns an urgent matter press 6 and one of our angels will be with you as soon as possible, Thank you and Merry Xmas"  

So Ben pressed 6. An Angel then appeared on the desktop where normally that overly helpful strange paper clip bicycle man makes noises and runs around. The Angel said unto Ben "you have been chosen, the light of the world will shine upon you. Don't be afraid for your words shall be spread among all men, you shall blog and bring reason to the world, go forth and spread God's word.  You shall be the true King of the News... " 

This posed Ben the Internet Prophet with a few tricky questions. The first being; if he was King of the News was he also the king of Nudea, and if so this was a far more exciting Kingdom than that one Herod had.... only fitting for the internet.  The second demand was a logistical issue, how on Earth or in Heaven could he continue to divinely blog if he had no internet connection. The Angel had been quite unhelpful so far in this department.... 

The angel proclaimed "You shall have Internet without wires and it shall be called Wireless or WI-FI for short!” Ben thought that maybe the angel's "invention" was a little banal but he wasn't going to be rejecting free broadband.  A great light shot to the areal on the house and shone for miles around. Ben reckoned that it must have been a connection of at least 250 Gb/s. 

Three wise men came to door baring gifts of Goldfrapp, Frankenstein Jr and Blur. They sought the light of the world and had been monitoring the forums for years in anticipation. Thus, in return Ben bestowed upon them the honour of the God Wi-Fi security key GOD#1. 

Ben received an Email from God:

Dear Prophet 

You have been chosen to spread my word in this new format. I'm giving up on printed Bibles because all those environment types and lefties keep complaining about the trees we use to make them. They are my Bloody trees, I made them. I was purely recycling trees for scripture, however they are a persistent lot so I'm turning completely to the web. I'm launching a social network and it shall be called 'FACEBIBLE', and you must make this using what Gabriel calls "WI-FI". The 24th of December will no longer be called Christmas eve but instead Webmas, by decree of Facebible.com. You are the Webmaster. It was you or Zuckerberg as I needed a Jew for this. Frankly after seeing the social network I didn't want Zuckerberg stealing my Ideas, so well done. 

Kind Regards 

God

p.s. Jesus sends his regards. 

Facebible is currently under construction.

To be continued at Easter.....